Fact: Meese are not real.
On the drive to Clearwater Canada Caitlin brought up the
fact that a moose shares similar qualities to a unicorn. Fact: unicorns are
just horses with cones on their heads. Fact: meese are really big deer with
webbed antlers. As the front seat riders mocked at our logic I asked if one
could find a moose at the zoo. Upon a solid “no” from my dad I concluded that
if you can’t find them at a zoo and you can’t find them in a forest they don’t
exist.
Now I see you realize my logic, but you still believe in
meese. You probably still believe in Santa, too. Here is my solution to a)
moose sightings and b) the moose head mounted above your fireplace.
The first issue is the meese sightings. Everyone knows
people love to believe in the mythical qualities of the world, so they claim to
have taken part in the magic. Fact: bigfoot is a mythical being. Fact: so are
meese. So in a great simile, any English lover will understand, a moose
sighting is like a Bigfoot sighting. The great crazies of the world trot around
the forest leaving tracks, writing books about the mythical beings, and
claiming to have seen a ‘real’ moose. Real is a relative term seeing as they
are make believe. The problem with the mythical quality of the moose is that
the idea has been accepted as truth in our culture. We need to search out the
truth. Meese are not real. Bigfoot which is just as ‘real’ as a moose is
believed to be only fantasy. This is due to the fact that a mean monkey man
roaming the forest is much scarier than a huge antlered beast feasting on the
vegetation lurking around any corner willing to pop out at any moment. Fact:
meese have more believers searching for them than Bigfoot. Fact: you’re wasting
your time, they don’t exist. While I’m bursting that bubble neither does Santa.
Now you’re being persuaded by my logic and charisma that
meese don’t exist. But youre still thinking, “Kelly, I’m sitting in my den reading your literary excellence and
there is a huge ‘moose’ head staring into my soul hanging right above my
mantel. What do you have to explain that? It’s real I know because I paid a
mighty sum to have it put there.” Fact: that is an excellent question.
Here’s an answer your pocket book won’t like. It’s not real. Well it is real in
the sense that you can touch and see it, but since meese are mythical creatures
it is not a real moose head. My solution to your lifeless creature is simple.
Fact: cousin Bobby and Aunt Erma live in the backwoods of the west away from society.
Fact: they have a combined number of seven teeth. In a great charade several
generations ago Bobby and Erma’s ancestors claimed to have killed a moose. The
whole town mocked and ridiculed the family saying they wanted to see the moose
head. So Grandpappy Nick convinced the town to wait until he stuffed the head
so it would not stink. Working day and night good ol’ grandpappy Nick worked on
creating a life-like moose head. He took everything he could find to create a
realistic looking head. When the town officials came to see the moose they were
astonished to see that Nick actually had killed a moose. The news spread to the
big cities of the northwest and all the big hotels wanted the moose head to
hang above their mantel. Grandpappy Nick said he had a secret way of trapping
the meese and he would get the heads to the hotels as soon as he could. Since
then Nick’s family has mass produced the meese heads to sell to people of the
great northwest. You don’t believe that
a person could make the moose head look so real? Have you ever seen Craft Wars?
I’m pretty sure if they can make those kinds of creations a person could make a
moose head. Now I believe I have given
you enough evidence to convince you that meese don’t exist.
Fact: the plural form of goose is geese. Fact: the plural
form of moose is meese. It makes sense.
Thanks for taking time out your day to tune into Kelly’s
Korner Truth Time edition. Until next time like Caitlin always says, “We are
nice to our friends.”
No comments:
Post a Comment